This has been a different, difficult season for me. My best friend/boyfriend had to move back to Atlanta in March to pursue a job opportunity, and most of my friends moved away after graduation in December. I was promoted to a full-time position at work, which kept me busy, but many of the moments in between were full of fear, loneliness, anxiety, and hopelessness.
Loneliness, as miserable and frightening as it could be, was what I needed to go through. I needed to be in a place of such extreme need that the Lord was the only one who could minister to me and sustain me. Many days I went home discouraged and hopeless, but somehow the Lord used those tears and sleepless nights to bring about a joy and peace. What the enemy tried to use to harm me, the Lord used to bring about good.
I know that I will not be moved. I may be weak, unashamedly so, but it is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that I can be victorious and live abundantly each day. I cannot live in the future, the present is the only reality we ever dwell in. As humans we don't like change unless it suits us, unless it works for out benefit. As crazy as life looks to me right now, and all the millions of things that have to somehow come together, I can rest assured that everything we go through is an opportunity to trust the Lord, to let Him show Himself faithful and true, no matter what the outcome. Living in joyful expectation, with a thankful heart, is the only way to live. Our relationship with Him is the only treasure we can take from this world, the only thing worth pouring everything into.
That being said, change is on the horizon for me. I am transferring back home with my company, but into a new position. I will be living at home again for a little while, until I can get on my feet or until B and I can start a life of our own. Being close to my family, to my sisters, and Ben, is worth all the hassle of having to transfer. It's just...scary. No, it's terrifying. The future freaks me out. Change freaks me out. I like security, have consistency to count on. But I know this:
"In peace I lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8